making it public

Oh the things I would do. That is, to you.

Known fact. I function way more efficent with minimal clothing (and perhaps some alcohol, not essential). Keep this in mind, my wonderwall. I'd like to get down with you. Probably just in my little studio. Or perhaps central park, with minimal clothing. Now don't misconcept minimal clothing with any sexual induced scenarios. Or maybe do. I'd like to heat things up, sweat a little. Or a lot. I think our slender hips can do the talking. Do you?

homegirl can shine.

happy birthday

My tears taste like whiskey. And I'm growing over it. Tonight is the night to be drunk, sad, and shiney. I don't know, but I am tired of being hurt. I don't want to be hurt anymore. Why? Why would you ever hurt someone? I lived. I've learned. All and all, I am going to go to bio and islam tomorow and then live. Shine, live, live. Than go home. And take care of the lymes that have created my disease. My tears taste like whiskey. And your nothing but another knotch on my belt.

big black

I undressed you with my eyes i have
Maybe even raped you
In a dark and eerie corner of my mind
I tucked you there
And touched you in a dream last night
Pushed you aside when you entered
My thoughts at the wrong time
I have sat up upon your lap and
Saddled my thighs around your hips like ropes
I rode you on a chair and in the shower
And all the while i clung heavy to your back
My desire deeply harnessed in your spine
I'm riding recklessly though a thick and humid
Jungle growing anxious with the deep and primal
Yearning that stirs
Deeply pulsing up toward the surface
Like sap rising or honey or tar

Let's see. I keep losing pounds, they just don't seem to like to stay on my body. Which is totally understandable. My piercings keep coming in and out. An emotional attachment, grow up. My eyes are very tired even though I sleep all day. My nights are long, ending in the early morning. Never a designated sleeping arrangment. I like to sleep. My eyes are very heavy. I concentrate a lot on my surroundings. Usually the sunshine. I like my city.

I had a drinking binge this week. I danced/drank like usual. Did some. Had some, etc. I arrive late places because I am never ontime. My drinking. Lots of drinks yet, I saw some very important people. Some starz, bffz, rockland county buddies, etc. I don't like being trapped by people or forced. I don't think its fair. I do like free things though. And hugs. And sex in the backseat of YOUR car. I don't like big black buzzy flies that appear out of thin air.

I want to fall inlove. And when it happens, it never to ever end. I think thats all.

lets push things forward

The night he broke.

Maybe it was the to die for sex or perhaps it was the humid thunderstorm heat. Or it could have been simply the way I walked, all crooked-kneed. But, he broke. Fell in front of me into three million miniscule pieces. I puffed on my cigarette. I felt this was my life, constantly. A record that continuously repeated. Except, each time it repeated it was the same song, just a different track. I puffed my cigarette while choking on every tear. Tear choking, like teardrops going up the wrong pipe. A reaction I have become very familiar with lately. It repeats. Like a fucked up broken record. I died again for the 3rd time this month.

I bring myself away from the environments that are considered danger zones. I take a quick holiday. I feel like everything chases me. The ticks, the boys, and most of ALL, the tears. I keep waiting for it to get easier in this general area. I'm tired of this type of discussion. I'm tired of this particular sex. And most importantly I'm tired of this typical typical tear. I was told I gave up. On love that is, even if its not you-me love. I gave up. I can not fall in love. I will not close my eyes. I will not call you back. I cannot do the smurf.

I have to stop switching from third person to first.

I keep saying that maybe your going to be the one who saves me, after-all. I think its true. I think that you have all the power in the world to do so. Regardless of how it takes its turn. By now, you should of somehow realized what you gotta do.

I keep dreaming about tidal waves. Huge tsunami like waves. So ready to engulf me and kidnap me into the beautiful inviting sea. Although I keep escaping it, with absolute no time to spare. I just make it. Safe sex is great sex.

where is. MY mind? maybe I left it somewhere between reality and 230 west 27th street?
Keep your coins, I want change.

uninspired

Trying to find where you are inside of my head. Past inner conflicts. Somtimes you need to take a look. Look at who you are what you have become. ONE thing, can't collapse your entire being. My actions, I sincerly apologize, from the bottom of my huge heart. If you don't try things out you'll never know. Just don't think about it. You musn't overthink. People don't wait. I would never want to hurt anyone. You can't be boy crazy forever, ya know? You have to settle your mind, its settled. I'm a growing girl. You could be the one who saves me afterall. Glendora is starting a whole new universe. A revolution perhaps.

McCarren Park Pool, M.I.A. My exsistence was totally m.i.a. I enjoyed myself greatly with simply alochol. sloppy mess, regardless, fantastic. The lights, the dancers, her. In fact arousing. Especially with the girl I love the most. We danced our bodies off and let our makeup smear to nothing. grinnnnnnnding.

less shady more shining.

everybody nose

I knew it.

the j word

trying to shine.