yes

thank you diseal, happy fucking birthday

move to the ground

I've been listening to rye rye for years.

it can't get much louder than this

I am obsessed with the song. I am so attracted to these girls. Check it out, THE BRIDGES is their name. The name of the song is pieces. I had to listen to it about 10 times to like it, they are from alabama. They are totally adorable!

blowing kisses in the powder room

I think videochatting is such a great way of communication.

I got the sickest pair of rainboots yesterday; 200 dollar boots. Super pricey but great quality and although you may not be able to tell from the picture but they are so fucking classy and cute, especially for rainboots!



Tomorow my wisdom will be removed. I'm a quitter.

what am i searching for?

Yesterland, I attended the infamous summerstage festival. Among this, besides the heat and the sweating hipsters was electronic /hip-hop music. This tiny arena stuffed nearly 5,000 people in making the temperature rise to nearly 100 degrees. The show was very interactive targeting two completly different audiences. This made the show way more inciting, different cultures incorporated into ONE atmosphere. All here for the well known diplo, a-trak, & headliner santogold. Also appearences by k-cudi, black star, and MZ STREAMZ. It was amazing. SO I indulged in many many joints and danced my pants off.



I really like santogold, as well as this song by her. LES ARTISTS. She sounded really great on stage and her music is really brilliant and unique. I really dig her. CHECK IT (also the lyrics below, I really think shes got a good vibe).

What I'm searching for
to tell it straight, I'm trying to build a wall
Walking by myself
down avenues that reek of time to kill
If you see me keep going
be a pass by waver
Build me up, bring me down
just leave me out you name dropper
Stop trying to catch my eye
I see you good you forced faker
Just make it easy
You're my enemy you fast talker

I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe

What am I here for
I left my home to disappear is all
I'm here for myself
Not to know you
I don't need no one else
Fit in so good the hope is that you cannot see me later
You don't know me
I am an introvert an excavator
I'm duckin' out for now
a face in dodgy elevators
Creep up and suddenly
I found myself
an innovator

Change, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what
if I can shake it
I'm 'a make this
something worth dreaming of


THIS robot can move. Sweep me off my feetz. That's all.

sober

crush,

My mind is a bowl of green tea flavored icecream. It's healthy. Although it melts. That is, when left out for too long. Sometimes I am left out for too long. And I melt. I think a butterfly attacked my stomach. Actually I know this, crush. It scares me. You scare me. But your smile remains warm. And I remain healthy. I'd like to attack your face. And everything else. I'd just rather not melt. Let's take a holiday.

I keep rising, I'm not the type to sink low. And I think your that type too. I can make you mix cds. And you can tell me I'm pretty. Fair deal?

-your secret admirer

7 things

I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get so scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we shared
It was awesome but we lost it
It's not possible for me not to care
And now we're standing in the rain
But nothing's ever gonna change until you hear
My dear

The seven things I hate about you
The seven things I hate about you
Oh you
You're vain, your games
You're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh
You make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends they're jerks
When you act like them
Just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the seventh thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

It's awkward and its silent
As I wait for you to say
What I need to hear now
Your sincere apology
When you mean it I'll believe it
If you text it I'll delete it
Let's be clear
Oh, I'm not coming back
You're taking seven steps here

And compared to all the great things
That would take too long to write
I probably should mention the seven that I like

The seven things I like about you
Your hair, your eyes
Your old Levis
When we kiss I'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hand in mine
When we're intertwined
Everything's alright
I wanna be with the one I know
And the seventh thing I like the most that you do
You make me love you

miley cyrus coudn't of said it any better. where do I go from here miley?


GENUIS, check it

every line is oh k

madonna, wtf?

New york, New York, a city so nice they named it twice. I was making love to bryant park today. The manhattan sun was shinning down on me and my teany bikini while I studied the koran. I had my rockstar sunglasses on, obviously looking strung out. I had this feeling that someone was watching me. So. I turned around. Brought to my attention, instantly, was a guy glued to me. He shock his head and then gave me a thumbs up. So I gave him the thumbs down and I left. Disgusting.


I feel like there's still bitches that owe me sex.

If not Boo, you know what, I still fucked you

Can I hit in the MORNING
without givin you half of my dough
And even worse if I was broke would you WANT ME?
If I couldn't get you finer things
like all of them diamond rings bitches KILL FOR
would you STILL ROLL?
If we couldn't see the sun risin off the shore of Thailand
would you RIDE THEN, if I wasn't DROPPIN?
If I wasn't ah, eight figure nigga by the name of Jigga
would you come around me or would you clown me?
If I couldn't flow futuristic would ya
put your two lips on my wood and kiss it - could ya
see yourself with a nigga workin harder than 9 to 5
contend with six, two jobs to survive, or
do you need a BALLA? So you can shop and tear the MALL UP?
Brag, tell your friends what I BOUGHT YA
If you couldn't see yourself with a nigga when his dough is low
Baby girl, if this is so, yo..

No jay-z, I would NOT still ROLL.


You ain't gotta be rich but FUCK THAT
How we gonna get around your BUS PASS
Fo' I put this pussy on your mustache
Can you AFFORD ME, my niggaz breadwinners, never corny
Ambition makes me, so horny
Not the fussin and the frontin
If you got nuttin, baby boy, you betta
"Git Up, Git Out and get somethin" Shit!
I like a, lot of P-rada, Alize and Vodka
Late nights, candlelight, then I tear the cock up
Get it up I put it down erytime it pop up, huh
I got to snap em, let it loose, then I knock ya
Feel the juice, then I got ya, when you produce a rocka
I let you meet momma and introduce you to poppa
My, coochie remains in a Gucci name
Never test my patience nigga, I'm high maintenance
HIGH CLASS, if you ain't rollin, bypass
If you ain't holdin, I dash yo

homegirl nose wazzup.

I was in Brooklyn, attempting to "trek" home. I was sitting when a "couple' walked into my plane of view. Of course, the most miserable couple I've encountered since my last relationship, BAH-DING. Right. So, the woman asks me miserably if I can scoot over, so her and her cracked out LOVAH can sit next to eachother. Both of their faces sagged to the floor; with bones I've never seen protruding from every direction. There eyes were so doped out and they were just miserable. They were mumbling/fighting. The mans face was all cut up, they just looked worked. They had to be in their 30's. Had to of. The cavaties in their faces only screamed dope. I think he tried to kiss her. She was angry, maybe they hadn't scored? I never wanna be like that.

Only you can decide what is important to you.

making it public

Oh the things I would do. That is, to you.

Known fact. I function way more efficent with minimal clothing (and perhaps some alcohol, not essential). Keep this in mind, my wonderwall. I'd like to get down with you. Probably just in my little studio. Or perhaps central park, with minimal clothing. Now don't misconcept minimal clothing with any sexual induced scenarios. Or maybe do. I'd like to heat things up, sweat a little. Or a lot. I think our slender hips can do the talking. Do you?

homegirl can shine.

happy birthday

My tears taste like whiskey. And I'm growing over it. Tonight is the night to be drunk, sad, and shiney. I don't know, but I am tired of being hurt. I don't want to be hurt anymore. Why? Why would you ever hurt someone? I lived. I've learned. All and all, I am going to go to bio and islam tomorow and then live. Shine, live, live. Than go home. And take care of the lymes that have created my disease. My tears taste like whiskey. And your nothing but another knotch on my belt.

big black

I undressed you with my eyes i have
Maybe even raped you
In a dark and eerie corner of my mind
I tucked you there
And touched you in a dream last night
Pushed you aside when you entered
My thoughts at the wrong time
I have sat up upon your lap and
Saddled my thighs around your hips like ropes
I rode you on a chair and in the shower
And all the while i clung heavy to your back
My desire deeply harnessed in your spine
I'm riding recklessly though a thick and humid
Jungle growing anxious with the deep and primal
Yearning that stirs
Deeply pulsing up toward the surface
Like sap rising or honey or tar

Let's see. I keep losing pounds, they just don't seem to like to stay on my body. Which is totally understandable. My piercings keep coming in and out. An emotional attachment, grow up. My eyes are very tired even though I sleep all day. My nights are long, ending in the early morning. Never a designated sleeping arrangment. I like to sleep. My eyes are very heavy. I concentrate a lot on my surroundings. Usually the sunshine. I like my city.

I had a drinking binge this week. I danced/drank like usual. Did some. Had some, etc. I arrive late places because I am never ontime. My drinking. Lots of drinks yet, I saw some very important people. Some starz, bffz, rockland county buddies, etc. I don't like being trapped by people or forced. I don't think its fair. I do like free things though. And hugs. And sex in the backseat of YOUR car. I don't like big black buzzy flies that appear out of thin air.

I want to fall inlove. And when it happens, it never to ever end. I think thats all.

lets push things forward

The night he broke.

Maybe it was the to die for sex or perhaps it was the humid thunderstorm heat. Or it could have been simply the way I walked, all crooked-kneed. But, he broke. Fell in front of me into three million miniscule pieces. I puffed on my cigarette. I felt this was my life, constantly. A record that continuously repeated. Except, each time it repeated it was the same song, just a different track. I puffed my cigarette while choking on every tear. Tear choking, like teardrops going up the wrong pipe. A reaction I have become very familiar with lately. It repeats. Like a fucked up broken record. I died again for the 3rd time this month.

I bring myself away from the environments that are considered danger zones. I take a quick holiday. I feel like everything chases me. The ticks, the boys, and most of ALL, the tears. I keep waiting for it to get easier in this general area. I'm tired of this type of discussion. I'm tired of this particular sex. And most importantly I'm tired of this typical typical tear. I was told I gave up. On love that is, even if its not you-me love. I gave up. I can not fall in love. I will not close my eyes. I will not call you back. I cannot do the smurf.

I have to stop switching from third person to first.

I keep saying that maybe your going to be the one who saves me, after-all. I think its true. I think that you have all the power in the world to do so. Regardless of how it takes its turn. By now, you should of somehow realized what you gotta do.

I keep dreaming about tidal waves. Huge tsunami like waves. So ready to engulf me and kidnap me into the beautiful inviting sea. Although I keep escaping it, with absolute no time to spare. I just make it. Safe sex is great sex.

where is. MY mind? maybe I left it somewhere between reality and 230 west 27th street?
Keep your coins, I want change.

uninspired

Trying to find where you are inside of my head. Past inner conflicts. Somtimes you need to take a look. Look at who you are what you have become. ONE thing, can't collapse your entire being. My actions, I sincerly apologize, from the bottom of my huge heart. If you don't try things out you'll never know. Just don't think about it. You musn't overthink. People don't wait. I would never want to hurt anyone. You can't be boy crazy forever, ya know? You have to settle your mind, its settled. I'm a growing girl. You could be the one who saves me afterall. Glendora is starting a whole new universe. A revolution perhaps.

McCarren Park Pool, M.I.A. My exsistence was totally m.i.a. I enjoyed myself greatly with simply alochol. sloppy mess, regardless, fantastic. The lights, the dancers, her. In fact arousing. Especially with the girl I love the most. We danced our bodies off and let our makeup smear to nothing. grinnnnnnnding.

less shady more shining.

everybody nose

I knew it.

the j word

trying to shine.

cheers

5:12 am.  I grew. I've grown up. In fact, I think I may have grown at least 3 inches. Harder, better, faster, stronger.

I sat here packing up every item of clothing I owned into suitcases. Suitcases. Just to move 4 blocks and 1 avenue down. I leave tomorrow. Than move in the next day. Irrational in every sense. FIT, grow a brain.

If you want a trip, take a vacation. The summer is beautiful and bright. Just like the beautiful people around me. I am coming clean. I am clean. DR no. I need mental health to get through it. I will excommunicate myself from the snow that falls from the sky and into my nose. I grew up today. I must react to my words. A journey must begin with a single step. It's important. React, react, react. Insightful people engulf me daily. I love it. They help me up from the fall that hadn't yet happened. Or did it. You have influenced me. 1, 2, & 3. Yes, you. All free of you. I commend you. React. Stop for the love of god. I fought the war. Living and learning. Age is only a number and not an excuse. I've been bad. Do what you feel now. Right now. I start with my left than my right.

A few weeks ago I lost my mojo. I was suppose to order a new one on ebay according to him, but it unexpectedly appeared today. It happened on the subway. Imagine!?

She's got the power in her hands to shock you like you won't believe.

OJ

Webster hall. I drank a small bottle of Georgi all on my own. I chased with OJ. The proper term would now be a screwdriver, eh? It wasn't a huge bottle but that wasn't the problem. We drank. My girls, my boys. Drink drink drink drink. I'd meet up with them after. We split after a line. On the street all the taxis were showing me love. Webster Hall. Mstrkrft. Sunshine dust dance party. Beautiful. Crazy lights, crazy high, crazy drunk. I danced, I danced with him. The night was young. We went to Ruff Club.

Ruff Club. The annex, always my party. As your waiting on the line, we just enter the place. We got comped, I never ever have to pay. 40 dollars, there. I speed. I dance. I dance with my girls. Home, comfort? Friends, everyone around me could potentially be a familiar face. It's lovely. I dance, dance, dance. Bump. It's friday night. No worries, no class, no responsibility. The intentions were to stay young all night. Can't stop, won't stop. Faces, tons of bodies. Tons of beautiful faces. FIT vs Annex. I have a lot of friends. We can't roll too deep. It's so much fun. Dance. I kissed my girls. I could never say I didn't like it. It's for our own personal pleasure, she says. It just makes us THAT much closer. I love loving them. It means the world. Friendship and love come hand in hand. Just like vodka and orange juice. I could stay young forever.

30

It was 54 and 9th. And than to 8th. Well the corner of 54th and 8th. I walk at a fast pace, always. I had my ipod in my ears, getting loose. House music, yes. New music, yes. From the corner of my oversized glasses, I saw a man, catching up. First thought, attractive. Second thought, uh? Third thought- 

"do you have a cigerrate?"

(in my head OBV. Smoking. DUH)

"yes"

He walks with me. He talks. I flaunt. He talks. He talks. He talks. He talks. The usual where are you from. New York City is small, eh. Everyone knows EVERY part of the city. Every borough. Everyone use to work there or spent the night there, etc. It's small. One step, two step, there. Regardless, I flaunt. The corner approaches and I have a subway to catch. The E. Downtown.

"how bout you come out with me for a beer?"

First thought, your sexy. Second thought, I love beer. Third thought, subway. I attempt to tell him that school is the priority and maybe some other time. No is not the answer. Numbers exchange. He's sexy. SURE. He texts me, I'm invincible. He's 30. Why wouldn't he be. Older men seem to be the trend lately. For me atleast. In little New York City.

I'm not really attracted to men lately. The attention is sweet. No more one night stands. They're silly. Emotions should never be played with. I'm just not ready yet. But I've never been so aroused. It's beautiful. Stability. Youth. Confidence. Life, love today. It's beautiful. I crush, I have crushes. Crushes with big beautiful smiles. Your brightness. The only crime was he had a beard. Someday you will find love. Don't rush it. Get to know it. Get comfortable with it. Than maybe it will stay awhile. I'm convinced. That everyone FINDS the one. You will. I will. I'm boy crazy, I'm young. I shine. We shine. It's always sunny. My life doesn't slip when your not in it. There are finer things. There will always be finer things. Other people should never control the way you feel. People come and go, but YOU always stay. You are who you are. I am only a woman. I like that. I'm over being eighteen. I use to say that 'I'm just trying to be 18'. But now I'm just striving to be 19. 19. On the edge of 18.

A blog it is.

Contemplate. Think hard. Your almost there.

I am filled with good idea's and good karma. Love is not a necessity. Always remember that its YOU not me. I woke up in New York City about a month ago. I got out of bed and touched the linoleum floor with my bare feet and I woke up. Who do your think your changing? Do you think you can drain the ocean? Your blind. I've never been happier. I woke up in New York City today. The sun shined,  I am comfortable in my own skin. I shined. I'm a silly love song. My bare knees don't ever come close to touching when I walk in my daisy dukes. I think it's classy.

Sometimes I drink too much. New York City is one big party. You can't let the city cave in on you. Be passionate. Spread love. Sometimes I drink too much. This scene is just too much fun, I don't think I'll ever want it to end. It's sex and the city. Everyone gets really dressed up, trendy and cute. I like to say we all look the same. Everyone's different. Everyone goes for a different reason. Sometimes I drink too much? The scene is just way too much fun. Crunk and grind thats my bloodline. We dress up, my girls, we're totally vicious. It's all about the scene, its all about the drugs, and its all about the drinks. Free drinks. 

"I see you everywhere, I just wanna know you"

"oh yah?"

"do you party?"

"yeah"

Blow all around. You gotta be careful or this city will kidnap you. You'll wake up, you're cooler than that. My girl's, I love them. You'll never be alone again, never. Why? Cause we are your friends. All you need is love. Nothing is more important. I want this summer to be nothing like a hot mess. No trouble, no fucking up, just looking as cool as you can with this blunt in your hand. No fucking up. Excel, excel, excel. Shine, bright. Nothing is ever worth giving up your dignity, your passions, the reason you live. Shine, shine, shine. Next time. A blog it is.