cheers

5:12 am.  I grew. I've grown up. In fact, I think I may have grown at least 3 inches. Harder, better, faster, stronger.

I sat here packing up every item of clothing I owned into suitcases. Suitcases. Just to move 4 blocks and 1 avenue down. I leave tomorrow. Than move in the next day. Irrational in every sense. FIT, grow a brain.

If you want a trip, take a vacation. The summer is beautiful and bright. Just like the beautiful people around me. I am coming clean. I am clean. DR no. I need mental health to get through it. I will excommunicate myself from the snow that falls from the sky and into my nose. I grew up today. I must react to my words. A journey must begin with a single step. It's important. React, react, react. Insightful people engulf me daily. I love it. They help me up from the fall that hadn't yet happened. Or did it. You have influenced me. 1, 2, & 3. Yes, you. All free of you. I commend you. React. Stop for the love of god. I fought the war. Living and learning. Age is only a number and not an excuse. I've been bad. Do what you feel now. Right now. I start with my left than my right.

A few weeks ago I lost my mojo. I was suppose to order a new one on ebay according to him, but it unexpectedly appeared today. It happened on the subway. Imagine!?

She's got the power in her hands to shock you like you won't believe.

OJ

Webster hall. I drank a small bottle of Georgi all on my own. I chased with OJ. The proper term would now be a screwdriver, eh? It wasn't a huge bottle but that wasn't the problem. We drank. My girls, my boys. Drink drink drink drink. I'd meet up with them after. We split after a line. On the street all the taxis were showing me love. Webster Hall. Mstrkrft. Sunshine dust dance party. Beautiful. Crazy lights, crazy high, crazy drunk. I danced, I danced with him. The night was young. We went to Ruff Club.

Ruff Club. The annex, always my party. As your waiting on the line, we just enter the place. We got comped, I never ever have to pay. 40 dollars, there. I speed. I dance. I dance with my girls. Home, comfort? Friends, everyone around me could potentially be a familiar face. It's lovely. I dance, dance, dance. Bump. It's friday night. No worries, no class, no responsibility. The intentions were to stay young all night. Can't stop, won't stop. Faces, tons of bodies. Tons of beautiful faces. FIT vs Annex. I have a lot of friends. We can't roll too deep. It's so much fun. Dance. I kissed my girls. I could never say I didn't like it. It's for our own personal pleasure, she says. It just makes us THAT much closer. I love loving them. It means the world. Friendship and love come hand in hand. Just like vodka and orange juice. I could stay young forever.

30

It was 54 and 9th. And than to 8th. Well the corner of 54th and 8th. I walk at a fast pace, always. I had my ipod in my ears, getting loose. House music, yes. New music, yes. From the corner of my oversized glasses, I saw a man, catching up. First thought, attractive. Second thought, uh? Third thought- 

"do you have a cigerrate?"

(in my head OBV. Smoking. DUH)

"yes"

He walks with me. He talks. I flaunt. He talks. He talks. He talks. He talks. The usual where are you from. New York City is small, eh. Everyone knows EVERY part of the city. Every borough. Everyone use to work there or spent the night there, etc. It's small. One step, two step, there. Regardless, I flaunt. The corner approaches and I have a subway to catch. The E. Downtown.

"how bout you come out with me for a beer?"

First thought, your sexy. Second thought, I love beer. Third thought, subway. I attempt to tell him that school is the priority and maybe some other time. No is not the answer. Numbers exchange. He's sexy. SURE. He texts me, I'm invincible. He's 30. Why wouldn't he be. Older men seem to be the trend lately. For me atleast. In little New York City.

I'm not really attracted to men lately. The attention is sweet. No more one night stands. They're silly. Emotions should never be played with. I'm just not ready yet. But I've never been so aroused. It's beautiful. Stability. Youth. Confidence. Life, love today. It's beautiful. I crush, I have crushes. Crushes with big beautiful smiles. Your brightness. The only crime was he had a beard. Someday you will find love. Don't rush it. Get to know it. Get comfortable with it. Than maybe it will stay awhile. I'm convinced. That everyone FINDS the one. You will. I will. I'm boy crazy, I'm young. I shine. We shine. It's always sunny. My life doesn't slip when your not in it. There are finer things. There will always be finer things. Other people should never control the way you feel. People come and go, but YOU always stay. You are who you are. I am only a woman. I like that. I'm over being eighteen. I use to say that 'I'm just trying to be 18'. But now I'm just striving to be 19. 19. On the edge of 18.

A blog it is.

Contemplate. Think hard. Your almost there.

I am filled with good idea's and good karma. Love is not a necessity. Always remember that its YOU not me. I woke up in New York City about a month ago. I got out of bed and touched the linoleum floor with my bare feet and I woke up. Who do your think your changing? Do you think you can drain the ocean? Your blind. I've never been happier. I woke up in New York City today. The sun shined,  I am comfortable in my own skin. I shined. I'm a silly love song. My bare knees don't ever come close to touching when I walk in my daisy dukes. I think it's classy.

Sometimes I drink too much. New York City is one big party. You can't let the city cave in on you. Be passionate. Spread love. Sometimes I drink too much. This scene is just too much fun, I don't think I'll ever want it to end. It's sex and the city. Everyone gets really dressed up, trendy and cute. I like to say we all look the same. Everyone's different. Everyone goes for a different reason. Sometimes I drink too much? The scene is just way too much fun. Crunk and grind thats my bloodline. We dress up, my girls, we're totally vicious. It's all about the scene, its all about the drugs, and its all about the drinks. Free drinks. 

"I see you everywhere, I just wanna know you"

"oh yah?"

"do you party?"

"yeah"

Blow all around. You gotta be careful or this city will kidnap you. You'll wake up, you're cooler than that. My girl's, I love them. You'll never be alone again, never. Why? Cause we are your friends. All you need is love. Nothing is more important. I want this summer to be nothing like a hot mess. No trouble, no fucking up, just looking as cool as you can with this blunt in your hand. No fucking up. Excel, excel, excel. Shine, bright. Nothing is ever worth giving up your dignity, your passions, the reason you live. Shine, shine, shine. Next time. A blog it is.